People who speak softly P*$$ ME OFF!

@BradMM said:

I’m just blowing off steam, pay no attention!

I guess some of you didn’t get the memo.

@BradMM said:

When I was 16 - 25 and I was conversing with someone who wasn’t hearing me, I would have made the effort to help them out in some way such as speaking more loudly. To me, it’s called common courtesy. I don’t understand this insistence on TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY in effective communication being with the person who has hearing loss.

That wasn’t the point of the question.

The reason I asked it is whether you acknowledge that your ability to discern speech has deteriorated since then, and therefore whether you have fully come to terms with your loss. Before you assume I’m taking the proverbial, you might be interested in the (empirically established) 7-10years people ‘put-up-with’ a hearing loss before acting upon and seeking remediation via hearing aids.

I’m also genuinely (professionally) interested in the Psychology of an individual who clearly has the ability to orchestrate a pretty astute defence of why he ‘ought’ to be able to hear rather than seeking an obvious immediate and effective solution. This has a bearing on how I’d approach a prospective customer in the future: so the million dollar question is -

What would be needed to move you from being a frustrated non-hearing aid wearer to a motivated hearing aid wearer?

A blind man with a cane, walking down the street, is making every effort to deal with his handicap, and i would be only too happy to help him if he needs it. As I have in the past. This person is making no effort what so ever to deal with his hearing loss but instead expects everyone to go out of their way for him. I’m the first to admit that there are a lot of rude inconsiderate people out there when dealing with the hearing impaired. I deal with it all the time. I was even sympathetic relating a personal experience I had myself with someone as Jerry Seinfeld referred to as a soft talker. But it’s a two way street. If you’re not going to try to improve your hearing because you are too “cheap” then don’t complain about others not making an effort either. It’s a two way street. Most of us on this forum do make an effort and then have every reason to complain. The blind guy with the cane walking down the street is trying to deal with his handicap, he’s not expecting everyone to serve him. Get the aids and then you’re more then welcome to vent.

Well, In his defense he is in the process of getting hearing aids…so we can’t really criticize him for not doing anything when, in fact, he is doing something.

Here’s my thoughts…some people mumble. Some people speak softly, some people speak clearly and concisely all the time (funny, no one ever has a problem hearing me…lol). When someone complains about everyone not speaking loud enough, well that’s a sign of a larger problem. The people that speak softly and mumble, probably won’t be able to ever get them to change their ways because it’s in their nature to speak in that way. The best solution is to do what you can by getting hearing aids and making the most of what you have/controlling what you can control.

@Maureen said:

I find it interesting that my HoH son who is 14 is VERY soft spoken! I think it is probably because he has always (since 16 months old) worn a full unvented earmold so he probably has considerable occlusion. I would imagine his own voice is quite loud to him so he speaks softly to compensate. It makes it difficult for me if there is any noise around. So much so that I had my hearing professionally tested along side him a year or two back. So far my hearing is still considered normal but I do have difficulty in loud environments.

Maureen

Your son’s hearing professonal may be able to adjust the aids so hos voice sounds more normal to him. The problem will be that he likely does not know what “normal” sounds like.

Perhaps his professional can adjust the aids so your son’s voice sounds not as loud, but other sounds are the same. This may encourage your son to speak up more.

In many situations I can still hear most people just fine without my HA’s, women and children more so than men since my loss is worse in the lower frequencies. But those few mumblers (of which my son is one) are the ones who made me finally get the HA’s. I was never shy about telling people I had a hearing loss, and repeatedly reminding them. But it gets old after awhile.

My HA’s have the remote for program and volume control. So I can adjust the volume to fit my amplification need at any given moment. But what I am finding now is that if I adjust the volume for the mumbler, the normal talkers, or heaven forbid those who’s normal voice is almost a shout, they blow my ears off!!

So, my experience is that hearing aids will not fully resolve the issue of dealing with mumblers.

Seems I am not thye only person with this problem…One of the main reasons I got HAs, was that I went back to work partb time and there were a couple of people that I couldnt hear…and I needed to in order to do the job…Got my aids and guess what?..I still have trouble hearing those same people…its better, but still have the occasional problem…I know the problem is mine, not theirs…

BTW, other people also have trouble hearing those people too…but, I figure thats just the way they talk. When I go to speak with them, I crank my aids up to max…

Lalo,
Unfortunately, I think the problem is ours and not theirs. Those with good hearing have a tendency to speak softer then we with hearing loss do and we tend to think they are mumbling or not speaking clearly. With HF hearing loss we don’t need them to speak louder although it sometimes helps, but slower and clearer so we can make sense of what they are saying and this also helps with enunciation of words. This is hard to get across to someone who doesn’t have a hearing problem, so it falls on us to train them and this isn’t easy. Prior to HA, my wife who also wears HA, would speak to me loudly and very slowly as if she was talking to an idiot and this would just p–s me off; I would keep telling her " you don’t have to speak louder just speak clearly and slower" but the next time I didn’t hear her she would revert back to loud and slow, it wasn’t until we both got HA that the problem was solved.

“Those with good hearing have a tendency to speak softer then we with hearing loss do and we tend to think they are mumbling or not speaking clearly.”

Nonsense. Most non hearing impaired people speak just fine and don’t speak softly or mumble. Only about 1 in 50 people is a “soft talker” or mumbler. These people are discourteous. Not just to you and me but to anyone around them. ANYone can learn to enunciate and not mumble. Acting schools have speech classes that provide this training and it works. Now, mumblers may have other issues in life like low self esteem but that is their issue, not mine.

Fast talkers are another issue. I agree with you that for us, fast speech is more difficult to hear than low decibel speech. I do seem to be able to get some fast talkers to slow down. But the OP was not talking about fast talkers nor was I. We are talking about soft talkers and mumblers. You seem to be mixing up the two.

Lalo,
I’m talking about people with extremely good hearing tend to be the soft talkers. That is from my personal experience.

Lalo,
No, What I’m saying is that of the people I know who talk softly all have had extremely good hearing and non of them have been mumblers. Most if not all of my friends commented on how much my voice level dropped after I got HA and some of them didn’t know I had HA until I told them, and as we know one of the symptoms of hearing loss is that we tend to speak louder and complain that people either don’t speak loud enough or they mumble or both. Yes, some people do speak softer than others but the problem isn’t so much them as it is our ability to hear them!

@seb said:

Lalo,
I’m talking about people with extremely good hearing tend to be the soft talkers. That is from my personal experience.

@seb said:

Lalo,
No, What I’m saying is that of the people I know who talk softly all have had extremely good hearing and non of them have been mumblers. Most if not all of my friends commented on how much my voice level dropped after I got HA and some of them didn’t know I had HA until I told them, and as we know one of the symptoms of hearing loss is that we tend to speak louder and complain that people either don’t speak loud enough or they mumble or both. Yes, some people do speak softer than others but the problem isn’t so much them as it is our ability to hear them!

I am still not understanding your point. Previously, you contended that most people with normal hearing speak softly. That made no sense to me. If most people speak a certain way, then that is normal. The OP was not talking about normal voices, he was talking about people with exceptionally soft voices and mumblers.

Now, you seem to be asserting that the better one’s hearing, the softer one speaks. This may be your anecdotal experience but I would venture to say that there is no statistical correlation between the two at all among those who have no hearing loss.

Some people speak softly and some don’t due to all kinds of factors, such as genetics and upbringing. I mean it is nice you have a theory about some correlation but it would mean all those homeless guys yelling at me downtown and a bunch of people in Italy and China have pretty severe hearing losses.

Anyways, here is a link for all those soft talkers and mumblers.

4 Ways to Stop Mumbling and Speak Clearly - wikiHow

Being told that you mumble can be frustrating, especially if you're trying your best to speak up. Since mumbling makes it hard for people to hear you, improving your speech will help you communicate better and share your thoughts. You can...

I teach English to Japanese. Talk about shy, quiet and reserved!!! The classes of 8-10 year old girls are downright mousey. I used to grab the white board eraser and mime like it was a TV remote, turning up the volume. That gets a laugh and has the desired effect and you can easily do it again when the effect wears off without ever having to stop smiling or say another word. But that was when I could actually hear fairly well. Now I must accept that they are the customer and I do all that I can to minimize the negative effects of MY hearing loss and to make them comfortable, which usually means never asking them to say anything.:rolleyes:

Seinfeld did a routine on “low talkers”.

I’ve known two in my life, and this current one gets hung up on by answering machines. I can tell her a half dozen times that I can’t hear her (in a quiet car) and she gets this sly smile and does not speak up. I find it infuriating.
She also blames the phones.

Personally, I think she is very angry and equates speaking up with expressing aggression.

And the message is, I will have to accommodate her and not the other way around. She also does other passive aggressive things.