Basically I hate wearing aids . . .
During my basic “old man” activities I prefer quiet .
so loud it was painful
Sorry if I’m being presumptuous, but the biggest barrier here sounds to be that you are a long-term intermittent user. Is that right? You don’t wear the hearing aids day-to-day are reserve them for special situations?
If this is the case, expect to have to pull the gain way down to a point that it is comfortable but not optimal for understanding. Expect to have to micro-manage the volume control in different situations as comfortable won’t be clear and clear won’t be comfortable.
Rehab for long-term intermittent users can be a struggle. Focus on getting a comfortable physical fit first because you need be able to wear them. All the time. Then find a gain level that is comfortable for you, focus on consistent wear, and bring the gain up a little bit every few months working towards full prescription gain. The long-term goal is that you can put them in in the morning and wear them all day at 100% target gain.
Maybe I’m way off-base and have over-interpretted some small comments you made in the wrong direction. But maybe someone failed to give you information on the importance of consistent wear back at the beginning and has done you a dramatic disservice.