Skip to content
HearingTracker
Log in

Looking for friends, I guess? Lol

7 replies335 viewsLast reply

Link to this topic
Reply
Edited

Kia ora from Aotearoa New Zealand. Been lurking a while, and posting occasionally, some of you have been really lovely to “talk” to. I guess I’m looking for a bit of advice.
Background: I am Deaf (severe to profound cookie bite, not genetic loss - just found that out - since age 7) and wear hearing aids. I lipread well and confidently and consider that my most important communication aid. I can even lipread accents! I don’t want a even though I am a candidate (12% speech recognition in left ear, 0% in right). I was always discouraged from embracing my Deaf identity and to be “hearing,” and I’m just starting to explore this as an adult (46). I don’t “talk” Deaf (if that makes sense?) so most people really don’t realise how Deaf I am. I’m learning and spending more time without my hearing aids in.
Like a lot of people in my situation, I’m looking for my community. I was advised to learn a bit more sign language before attending Deaf clubs, so I’m doing that, but I still feel quite isolated, even though my close family are very supportive. I feel like I walk both worlds but don’t fit into either.
I’d love more connections either online or in person in NZ, or any advice for my “finding myself” journey. Even own stories would be appreciated.
Thank you :purple_heart:

Also, for those who remember, my (not CI) op got delayed until next year :grimacing: lots of stress for nothing, but I really appreciated all the awesome advice for prep.

4 people in this conversation6 min readJump to latest

Also, despite the profile picture, I can assure you I’m not a vampire :joy: It’s just one of my favourite photos from a costume party and it fits my “vibes” well.

Well, it sounds like you have given up on hearing aids and don’t want to go . That leaves sign language I guess. @kevels55 is the only member I know of on this forum that’s fluent in sign language, British I believe.

Some of us went CI and do very well with that. I know for me it gave my life back to me. You are still young, lots of life left. Finding deaf groups in New Zealand would be the best way to have common friendships. Thankfully your family is understanding.

I wouldn’t consider myself fluent Rick, but I have a good understanding of , and I can hold a decent conversation in sign language… My wife Elspeth signs to me every single day, she is BSL Level 3, unfortunately, I only reached Level 2… Level 3 is quite intensive, probably around 300 to 400 hours learning, from Level 2!Here

in the UK, the levels of BSL, consist of; Beginner, Intermediate, Level 1, Level 2, Level 3, Level 4, the last Level is Interpreter… Durham University, the University of the Deaf, controls all the examinations, all examiners are born Deaf or “Pre lingually Deaf” with BSL, as their first language, the are very strict! Interpreter’s Level, takes about 5 to 6 years learning, if you do it intensively, it’s literally thousands of hours learning, from scratch, “Plus” homework! Sign Language is 5 times faster than you can talk, and up to 7 times quicker, much depends on whom is signing, if you miss 1 sign, during a conversation, you can be off down a different rabbit hole :rofl: Very few, reach Interpreters Level, perhaps 1 in 500 students would attain that Level, basically you have to sign as good as a naturally born Deaf person, and they judge you!!! Poor hand shape is a failure, lack of facial expressions is also a failure, not holding eye contact is another failure, I could go on, Deaf Interpreter’s are well paid, simply because, there are so very few whom have qualified for that level of learning! I am extremely sorry to report… You are stuck between a rock and a hard place @Tee , no matter how deaf you are, you will never be part of “Deaf Culture”, you have to be born Deaf, with sign language as your first language or be a hearing person, born into a Deaf family, where sign language was theirs first language… Deaf Cultures tolerance towards , is piecemeal at best, they have little or no time whatsoever for the hearing world, and yes they sometimes tolerate us, but only just!!! Sign Language is absolutely wonderful to learn, it eventually gives you confidence to stand up in class, and make a complete fool of yourself :upside_down_face: If you do that often enough, then you gain confidence! Good Luck, Cheers Kev :smile:

In reply to @Raudrive

I think what I’m looking for is people like myself who appreciate being able to hear with hearing aids but also consider themselves Deaf? That subset of people who lost their hearing young but were never given the option to embrace it. My parents were adamant they didn’t want a deaf child and very much played down my disability. It really wasn’t until I was older and offered a and said “but that’s for people who are really deaf” and she said “yes. You ARE really deaf. I don’t even know how you’ve managed this far.” :joy:

I’m never-say-never to CI, but there’s so many reasons for me to not want it, even though I know plenty of people who love theirs. Personal preference. Absolutely no disrespect or judgement to anyone who does or doesn’t want one. The technology is astounding. My are pretty good right now and do what I need. Paired with the Roger On I feel unstoppable :joy:

Thank you for your reply.

In reply to @kevels55

At a Deaf Expo recently I encountered that slight judgment of asking if I would be welcome. The answer was “yes” but the vibes were definitely “not really.” Maybe I need to form my own group… if I can find others like me who could have been part of Deaf culture if they’d been allowed.

In NZ is an official language and people are encouraged to learn it (apparently it used to be taught in primary schools.) I’m an immigrant from the UK so didn’t grow up here, and I found the same as you mention about trying to access Deaf culture as a “not really Deaf” person was just not possible.

In reply to @Tee

You are welcome @Tee :smile: Strangely enough, from our perspective, Cochlear Implants are considered an abomination in the Deaf world, a destroyer of Deaf Culture, and they are the absolute last thing they would consider, for any of their Deaf children, in their eyes, a Deaf child is what they hope and pray for when they are born, a hearing child might be considered a huge disappointment, the child will still be loved and part of their culture, but still a massive disappointment!!! You must also appreciate how Deaf Culture views this world, they have been extremely persecuted, discrimination against Big D, has lasted hundreds if not thousands of years, they view the hearing world with extreme contempt, and in truth, who could blame them, with the wars, pestilence & famine the hearing world has created, they regard themselves as, way above the hearing world in terms of excellence, and moral integrity, I would go as far as to say, they are aloof… In their eyes, the hearing world has no moral compass, so they treat all hearing folk, included, with an extreme lack of trust, and will disassociate themselves from us at every opportunity…They regards a Deaf child as perfect, and if you think about it logically, if you have never heard anything, that gives you contextual information, then you have no concept of what sounds are, you cannot miss something, that you have never experienced… Cheers Kev :wink:

My hearing is so bad even with hearing aids in some situations that I use the voice recognition speech to text on my Google Pixel phone. It’s like closed captions except not just for TV. It works one on one or in larger groups. I even use it for movies or YouTubes that don’t have closed caption. My grandkids are amused to see their speech (words) turned to text as they talk. I have an android phone, but it’s probably available for iPhones. It’s called Live Transcribe and Notifications

Active discussions

What the forum has been talking about this week.