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Need help with women whose normal tone of voice is to whisper

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My grandson’s girl friend who is in her early twenties and her normal tone of voice is to whisper. Have not run into this kind of situation for awhile and its baffling for me. As you can tell from my audi chart I have profound hearing loss. Even my daughter in-law had to tell her to speak up. They had only been going together about six month maybe a year and I had not really sat down and had a conversation with her. We had a family dinner last night and my grand son said she had an interest in art so I sat down and tried to have a conversation with her and it was nearly impossible to understand her. What I would like to find out is if there is anyone with profound hearing loss on this forum their experience with someone whose normal tone of voice is a whisper how did they did deal with the situation. Let me emphasis a person whose normal tone of voice is a whisper. The family gathering was pretty noisy but when it quieted down the understanding was even worst. I don’t know I would hate to exclude her from being a part of the family but I don’t like being miserable in a conversation with someone.

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Chuck, I can do that. It may be the audi can come up with a separate program for situations like this one. I’ll give it a shot.

thanks

I have found over the years from journals, forums, and audiologists, that hearing aids can help but they can’t replace normal hearing. Especially if someone doesn’t speak at a “normal” volume level. You ask how I dealt with that exact situation. 2 ways, I depended on someone else to “translate” what that person was saying–repeat to me in a volume I could hear and understand which with my hearing aid would be a normal human volume. Or if it were just me and the other person, I would say I can’t hear you, can you speak louder. Otherwise, I would just smile and nod which happens a lot. If someone I’m talking to thinks it’s important that I hear what they say, they will be sure I can hear them. It is very frustrating, and despite all the remedies quoted on line, at the end of the day there is nothing foolproof. With smart phones now able to transcribe speech, it might be useful to look into that as an option when you speak with your grandson’s girlfriend–we have a hearing loss handicap, she may have a genuine inabilikty to communicate effectively that is a handicap.

My wife has a similar way of speaking but in her case she starts high then drifts off into a whisper. I don’t know how to deal with it.

My wife had an aunt who would talk and I’d see her lips move and hear nothing. I think it comes down to what you don’t know won’t hurt you. My family bought me a megaphone for wedding anniversary. They thought it was funny. My son uses it for real across the room and I am very grateful.

Thanks for all the feedback. I have been using Google Live Transcribe in other situations it just did not dawn on me to use it at a family gathering. And thanks White Hat I have a Roger pen that I could use when I’m in a situation like that. You know hearingMac you probable hit the nail on the head about her being not able to communicate effectively and being a handicap.

Edited

In reply to @hearingMac

If everyone else understands her, the problem is on your side, not hers. I don’t mean offense by this, just that you need to adapt. Just explain to her you can’t hear her in group settings and make a point of talking to her one-on-one in a quiet situation and ask her to repeat, speak louder in that quieter setting. You talk about excluding her from the family if things don’t approve. I’m not sure what you mean, but be careful not to take it out on her OR alienate your own family by trying to do this. Just my 2 bits to be taken on board or ignored.

Edit: I’d just like to add, sometimes there are people one has more difficulty hearing and there is no obvious reason. My wife I struggle with more then others, and her grandfather struggled to hear her at times when his hearing was in decline. But she doesn’t speak soft, so it is not that. It must be the tone/register or whatever. But you just adapt to make it work.

You are not offensive, appreciate your input. But you did get me smiling–the key verb in the first sentence is “had,” so her soft voice isn’t an issue now. I never cared what she had to say so it wasn’t a problem. I really enjoyed your rhyme: “2 bits to be taken on board or ignored.” I have an old saying I read in Parade Magazine when I was a kid, “Be wary of giving advice – fools won’t heed it and wise men don’t need it.” I find your point interesting about your wife’s speech timbre: “she doesn’t speak soft, so it is not that. It must be the tone/register or whatever.” I may be mistaken but I think frequency adjustment could be made to compensate for her speech since that’s probably an important part of your hearing profile. You probably already thought of that but when I’m on a forum about hearing aids, my #1 concern is how to get them to work for me. I’ve already done all the adapting I can.

She’s probably shy and when the room is quiet she goes into Library Voice. This is probably on her, you can only turn the volume up so much before feedback, or the suppression of it, kicks in and you still can’t understand her. Either she needs to speak up or she needs to drink a lot more alcohol (and not drive of course). The latter being an observation I’ve made over the years, nothing more.

I had the same issue, playing Bridge every week, with my neighbour’s wife about 3 feet from me but me being unable to make a out a word she said. I then obtained a Roger Select, with a Neck Loop, and played it to the T setting on my Signia aids - I can now understand what she says, every word!!

Men, too!! I work as a greeter at our local botanical garden. Last Sunday several older men came through with very low voices who wanted to “talk”. It’s a challenge. (I’ve made an appt. for a hearing level checkup–maybe it’s me!).

Yes, it is me with the problem. So what I’m doing is getting some assisted listening devices Roger On to be specific. I know I cannot change other people so I have to get help. Posting on this forum really helped me to see that I have to change and not her. Most people do not understand hearing challenges even those people with hearing loss. This forum gives me a platform to get clarity on my thoughts and feelings. I don’t know about older men except for myself. My hearing aids probably need adjusting because I speak loud and I’m really lazy about getting adjustments. Also most audis do not know how to adjust for profound hearing loss. I rely on Bluetooth too much but it really helps with the phone and computer. I also as someone else mentioned us Google Live Transcribe. But when you are in a museum it is really hard to use Live Transcribe or Botanical gardens. Happy thanksgiving everyone.

I’d just like to say there is nothing wrong with explaining to her that you can’t hear and asking her if she can raise her volume a little. You can do your side of it but communication is two way and she should also make adjustments do you if she wants to engage in conversation with you.

In reply to @DaveF

My wife is a bit like this. My usual response is “I can’t hear you!”. When frustrated (and I think the couch is in my future), “I’ll start to listen when you start to care I can hear you!” (Oy!). OTOH, put her on the phone and I can hear her in the next room!

In reply to @WhiteHat

This! I do the same thing at dance lessons (female pitch, soft spoken, accent and I otherwise have to depend on watching exactly when they demonstrate the lead’s part and rely on my wife to relay).

My Signia devices were programmed by the audiologist to have a “straight ahead” setting. The microphones concentrate on a narrow path in front of where I am facing. They ignore side and back sounds.

I push a button on one of the devices and it switches to that mode. It helps tremendously when I am trying to listen to a very quiet talker. But, that person has to be pretty much straight ahead (or I turn my face toward them).

Perhaps yours can have such a setting & you will find it helpful.
Paul

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