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Another social event where I’m left lost in conversation

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hi again!!

it’s been awhile! recently had a formal event where I was left behind in conversation a bunch. I don’t mean to complain, because it sounds (hah!) so negative but it’s always been a bother to me. I was seated with people on my left, my bad side, and didn’t think to bring my left hearing aid that night (as I primarily use just one on my right side). the entire night I slowly learned to regret that decision as I realized, wow. everything is MUMBLED and CONFUSING and i’m laughing to things I don’t even know are being said. and unless I ask “what did you say?” a bagillion times, I’m left playing guessing game the entire night on top of music and announcements on a microphone (quick question: HOW do people hear in auditoriums??)

I know this isn’t a new rant-y topic and that even hearing people struggling with things like this. but it feels so incredibly isolating to just. not. hear. and how frustrating it is that people don’t understand that / don’t fix it.

for the first three weeks in college, I was left confused and lost in every class because no matter how close I sat, everything just registers 10x slower (if I understand it) and even now with captions, I struggle.

hearing loss isn’t just “not being able to hear” for me. it’s isolating, sometimes embarrassing and increasingly frustrating. according to my parents, once i started talking I dropped completely and was a yapper, so I’m left to rely on two little devices that sometimes FAIL!!! in a world where sound is a necessity, I can only rely on the tiny parts I CAN hear. (learning ASL in high school and college now as a backup)

not quite sure what this rant really is, sorry it’s not very positive. just frustrated by the qualms of hearing loss I guess. I’m sure many of you can relate.

16 people in this conversation15 min readJump to latest

I completely understand your frustration, and I have felt the same many times, before, and sometimes with hearing aids.
What I don’t understand is

@carolineelds said:

and didn’t think to bring my left hearing aid that night (as I primarily use just one on my right side)

Why don’t you wear both aids if you already have them? :thinking:

You’re not alone. Yes, it is frustratingly isolating, but press on … and write yourself a note to remember the left aid. I have to do a lunch today at a crowded restaurant and it will be challenging and a reminder that no hearing aid is perfect.

OW carolineelds, you rant in GOOD company here! If I had a nickel for every gathering I’ve attended, every auditorium I’ve been seated in, every large table in noisy restaurant I’ve sat in and wanted to scream, “WHAT?!?!?” I’d be a billionaire with my own hearing aid (and accessories!) factory.

Wow, I’d swap with you ANY day. I had that level when I was just finishing up grad school, and didn’t have hearing aids till like the last semester? Like you, I’d just sit up front and hope for the best. There was even one ODD prof who - seriously! - leaned on a desk in the BACK of the room to lecture in his accented voice. Not much of a guy for the blackboard, I can tell you.

Thing is, aids have come LIGHT years in the past 5! I transitioned from Phonak Marvel (pretty dang good) to Phonak Lumity Life rechargeable (smidge better) to the newer 312 Lumity Life aids with a better speech clarity chipset … and finally! With these aids about 3 generations old already, I feel transformed. I have confidence hearing in many situations, and even find that in noisy places, I understand speech better with my 312s in “Speech in Loud Noise” program than using a Roger ON IN remote mic on the table.

If you have the time, yeah some MONEY, and the curiosity to seek a solution, GO FOR IT. Find a patient, qualified audiologist or expert fitter to let you trial a couple models of aids. So many folks have angst, resentment, insecurity and even self-loathing over a situation we don’t control! I was born with bad hearing and now they are truly cinderblocks without my aids in. At 70, I make no apologies to NOBODY. I flaunt my beautiful 312s - one pair in fuschia pink, the other in gorgeous teal. I literally pop ‘em out at the dinner table and show them off.

I think for me, the transformation came with aids that give me near-to-normal hearing in just about all situations. I can still kvetch if I’m at a noisy restaurant and don’t hesitate to tell folks, “I can’t hear ONE DANG thing here!” But mainly, I’d avoid those kind of hearing-destroying venues - too little margin left for me.

Don’t be shy about putting YOUR needs first! You only live once, so go for quality living and endeavor to find aids that help you hear a world the way you want it.

I have dedicated programs for “Speech in Loud Noise”, “Music” (like dumb ears with no dynamic meddling), and “Acoustic Phone” so I can literally hear stereophonically with any phone tossed at me anywhere. My Phonaks are rock steady with streaming, and give me 100% confidence to answer any call with my cell no matter if the person speaks with an accent, rapid-fire or whatnot.

There is a solution out there for you, so start by sharing what make/model you have now. Next step is to ALWAYS wear BOTH aids - like, what were you thinking leaving one aid at home? Would you cover one eye with an eyepatch just for the challenge of seeing? No! Wear them both and hear your world in stereo.

Please keep us posted with your journey. I WELCOME your rant cuz I’ve walked the walk for way more than 30 years now. Know that you are at the right place to find solutions. GOOD LUCK.

Your shows why you call right your “good” side, but I can’t understand why you could possibly leave that out. There surely is a perfectly good reason, or more than one, just I can’t start to guess what that might be. I always use two aids, it seems to help them locate sound sources. My left ear is technically okay, but I feel like lopsided with just the right HA in… Helpful habits might solve an issue or two …

Apart from that, sure, I guess most or all members of this forum know the frustration and the situations you describe. I choose environments. I will not attend stuff which I know will be just frustrating and nothing else. Loud music and people standing around, discussing. You know what, I actually also enjoy reading books, and what a good opportunity that is!

As for auditoriums, are they not obligated to have a /loop? Can’t you talk with your professors and ask them to use a like Oticon ConnectClip or EduMic? (Phonak has scores of accessories like that, I just don’t know how they are called.) In a conversation with ONE person at a party, you could give that person that remote mike as well, depending a bit on circumstances. You would not want them to wander off with them…

Good for you for learning ! But with the hearing you have, there should be a lot possible!

In reply to @dellgirl

for context, my hearing loss stems from another condition that closed my ear canals, not bc of damage to my actual eardrum. I’ve grown up only wearing one, had to have surgery (twice) in order to have a on my right side so when I had that, I just kind of accepted it as “well I’m mostly deaf in my left ear so I’ll just keep doing this”

eventually I had surgery on my left side to open my ear canal, except it closed up and the hearing aid would always squeal and send feedback. I only started wearing my left side after I figured out a better setting to have them on but it’s still sometimes uncomfortable or sends feedback.

I’ve gotten better at wearing it but still getting over that uncomfortable hump that comes with getting used to a new aid.

In reply to @OffendedOtter

Definitely should’ve thought twice about not wearing my left side, just still getting over the feeling of a hearing aid in my left side since my entire life I only used one on my right side. My left ear canal was so small that unless I had surgery (which I eventually did), a hearing aid of any kind would’ve been useless. A regret I hold deeply and wish I did earlier in my life because WOW!!! there’s such a difference in wearing one vs two hearing aids.

As for the , my school doesn’t offer them and it’s a wholeee process to try and get them to possibly use something like that. The only thing I have right now is preferred seating and captioning.

With due respect, and free of feeling, because we are on the same thing, + trying to check your shoulders to bring you down to where all of us are, I think you are sabotaging yourself. Knows where your feet are and gets to it without trying to change what is real.

Some years ago, by a time of a surgery because of a bone closing in my drum, my surgeon, Dr, told me, “No”, the brain is one, and you have two ears, but the brain will build one single sense from both ears, you will make yourself a disaster because your brain will be wrong profiling your ear sense. So no, use both, and that’s

Edited

In reply to @carolineelds

Ok, now I understand a little better. But I really don’t think you should give up on your ‘bad’ ear. Additional settings, another model of hearing aids if needed (and if you can afford it, of course). Or at least try to get used to the ones you have.

My right ear is worse, according to the , even worse than your worst ear. On it, I have severe conductive hearing loss, otosclerosis, and a narrow ear canal, so my right hearing aid is often uncomfortable. And I constantly have the impression of pressure and stuffiness. And tinnitus. And a lot of feedback-like sounds.
I was thinking about wearing that right hearing aid at all. However, when I try to remove it, I realize how much it still contributes to the overall hearing.

There are many here who have experience and can offer valuable advice to you. And the rest of us beginners can always support you.

Don’t give up.

In reply to @carolineelds

Even without , giving your prof a ConnectClip or something similar to clip on or put on their desk would be possible, would it not? It would give you a much clearer signal. It’s a microphone 20 cm away from their mouth instead of 5 metres away … It does make a big difference, esp. if there is noise in the room.

Ive learned we should wear both hearing aides. There is some brain work that is best. (You can research this on your own).

I have also learned I will never catch it all, it is extremely frustrating and isolating.

what helped me: find a great (not just good) audiologist that works for you. I had to go to four over the years. (The fourth and best uses real ear measurements, I drive two hours to see her.)

The BEST discovery that made my hearing improve 40% was an audio that uses “real ear measurements ” testing. This means they place very small microphones between your hearing aid dome and ear drum. Then the reflects what you actually hear at your ear drum. For me it was night and day.

(Youtube Dr. Cliff Olsen audiologist has an in depth review of ‘real ear measurements”.

Another thing my fourth audio told me (that non others did) was don’t stand or sit in a corner as the sounds bounces around more. Also your significant others should always face you when speaking as many time the clarity gets garbled. (Dr. Cliff reviews hearing aides brands that excel in background noise reduction in social situations.

Wishing you the best.

Real ear measurements are so vital!

I’m always disappointed to see them dismissed on the forum.

One comparison I thought of is.. “I don’t need a thermometer. I can tell how hot/cold it is just by walking outside.”

If someone said that to you, you would have a lot of questions. How do they tell me how hot or cold it is outside so I know whether to bring a jacket? If they say I don’t need a jacket, but then I walk outside and I need a jacket, who is right?

Or tell a baker to throw away their food scale and just do it by feel. I really don’t get the resistance, except for cost. The equipment is expensive and may not make financial sense depending on the location. That is completely understandable.

Beyond that, measuring the manufacturers suggested settings would not actually change their settings. It would only demonstrate that they are lacking, or significantly over where I would expect them to be.

I feel the same about . My first audi at HearUSA did a REM but set my up to max correction which for me was way too much. I only made it half way home on the freeway before I had to pull over and take them out, the road noise was unbearable. He tried to correct this twice and went to another HearUSA audi close to my home who set me up as “inexperienced” and what a relief. But she did not do a REM and said their machine was broken. It has stayed broken over a year later!! I have a Widex SmartRIC 440 and love how it sounds for my guitar playing but it sucks in noisy environments. And while I can hear, can’t understand often! I think I’m ready to come off of inexperienced now after 2 1/2 yrs of wearing hearing aids (first Costco Philips and now the Widex) and will try another HearUSA store (they are company stores) and amazed mine will not do a REM. I think I need that now to improve understanding more. The noise issues are typical for all of us and Widex may be one of the worst in that regard in spite of their amazing clarity. My airpod pros do an amazing job with their ANC unlike hearing aids which only try to NOT amplify what they consider noise. If ANC ever is incorporated into HA I think it will be an enormous improvement but maybe too many technical issues. Not attenuating noise at all means those of sensitive to noise will always find HA a bit lacking. Well off to HearUSA again to see if I can get a REM done. I used HearUSA because I wanted the Widex and my insurance coverage of $3000. (now $3800.) brought the cost down to $1500…..Costco levels!

The problem with implementing ANC in hearing aids is that they have a very different problem to solve than regular earphones do.

For earphones, it’s comparatively simple: The “payload” is whatever you’re listening to over Bluetooth, and (when ANC is on) pretty much any sound coming from outside is treated as noise to be suppressed. There’s no need for fancy decision-making.

For earing aids, on the other hand, the “payload” consists of some of the sound coming from outside - but not all of it. (I’m leaving streaming aside, just to keep things simple-ish.) So instead of just detecting everything coming to their microphones and generating a counter-vibration to suppress it, the aids need to pick out what is likely to be meaningful and important to you, amplify that, and ignore the rest. ( and molds tone down a good deal of the hopefully-unimportant stuff that the aids decide not to amplify; open domes, not so much.) The current “flagship” models use things like beamforming (typically assuming that what you’re facing is likely to be of interest); motion detectors (for example, to assume that when you’re walking you’re more likely to be interested in hearing things that are not in front of you, like speeding cars and hungry leopards); and even capabilities to try to identify the particular vibrations corresponding to speech that you want to understand.

In theory, hearing aids could have active noise suppression added to their existing capabilities - but for it to be safe and useful, the aids would have to be extremely good at accurately identifying which “noise” is appropriate to suppress. We’re not quite there yet.

In these type of social events sometimes I just “make and appearance” (45 minutes or less) and then feel free to leave.

In auditoriums, I have used the bluetooth app “Listen Wifi” or “Sennheiser” (if the venue invests in it). I now avoid venues that don’t have these available.

I feel your frustration! What helped me a lot has been to add an external microphone (I use the Roger On for my Phonak hearing aids). It is super helpful in restaurants, at work meetings, and in small groups sitting around a living room. It’s somewhat helpful at loud cocktail parties or networking events. If I’m with a group in a exceptionally loud bar, I just lean into the happy vibes, and I don’t even try to track the conversation. That’s been a helpful shift of perspective for me to adapt to living with my hearing loss with a little more equanimity.

When have you had your hearing evaluated last time? When have you had last appointment? Perhaps you’re eligible for or Osia device? Or middle ear implant?

Regarding your acoustic feedback - perhaps you have too large vent in your earmolds or youbhave too open/too large/too small domes?

In reply to @carolineelds

@carolineelds said:

My left ear canal was so small that unless I had surgery (which I eventually did), a hearing aid of any kind would’ve been useless

Just curious, did you get a tube put in your eustachian tube to keep it open? I’ve known of kids with chronic ear infections that go that route. Not sure if it’s a long-term fix, but if a TUBE is inserted, it shouldn’t collapse, right? I’d be annoyed if I went through surgery only to have the problem come back.

@1Bluejay said:

Just curious, did you get a tube put in your eustachian tube to keep it open?

It doesn’t go in the Eustachion tube, it goes in the eardrum. Apparently, the Eustachion Tube is very difficult to work on and is very near to an artery. I had this done at 49 yo

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