Bluejay, I can only imagine what it is like to walk a mile and even then I am wrong. I understand that we’re all different, and we are. From December, 2015 (I used to know the exact date) when she told me at 5 years old that she wished she wore glasses because they are more common, that she didn’t want to wear hearing aids all her life, that she feels different when she meets people for the first time I have better understood that 1) I have a very thoughtful daughter that is able to not only realize what her feelings are but can and will articulate them to me and 2) the world is, as we all know as we get older, often times a harsh place.
My daughter’s hearing loss does not suck. It is not the end of the world. And while not without a lot of extra-energy-sacrifice, it is realizing the emotional impact of it on her that is the most difficult for us as parents. Kids are a lot of things, and often times they are mean. A speech impediment, glasses at a young age, a limp…fodder for the potentially future bullies.
We’ve never minced words with our daughter, or at least I haven’t. Because the world is harsh and kids are mean, I’ve always tried to figure out how to raise a resilient, stubbornly confident girl. Honestly, there have been several times lately when I’ve felt like a total failure. She melts when she thinks someone is making fun of her for hearing loss, even when they are not.
Was in her classroom for a Christmas party and a boy was talking ‘smack’ to the degree a 2nd grader can. She told him to stop because he might hurt someone’s feelings. He started saying ‘what, i can’t hear you.’ I’ve seen the kid before; he’s not smart enough to make a hearing loss related joke, but I saw her just shrink. That night at bedtime I asked her what the kid/punk/future-felon had to say and she told me, then she said ‘it didn’t bother me, but it might have bothered someone else with hearing loss if he’d said it to them.’ It bothered her. It bothered me that it bothered her.
Wow, I need to find some place to ramble and rant more I think. Sorry for the novelette.
FWIW, I have found (obviously) that as a parent, talking about all of this is cathartic. I just don’t know many other folks in a similar positon.