Poor communication and language skills due to deafness

I know someone who works with a person who’s previous career was a SLP so he’s going to ask if we can set up a Teams to understand about it more as an adult, if she’s happy to offer advice.

@Neville

@Zebras said:

I’m just wondering how I could go about improving my communication and language skills as mine are quite poor?

First, I KNOW your written communication is precise, thoughtful, and layered. I look forward to your posts. Regardless of how your speech progresses, have you thought about working as a technical writer? I’ve worked with many, many technical writers over the years and I think you’d make a very good one.

I’d also like to suggest you consider mindfulness and meditation. I had more than my share of troubles in my younger years (very dysfunctional family) and meditation has helped me keep these problems from taking my mind into places I’d rather not go. A good book, if you have any interest, is “Buddhism Made Simple” by Steve Hagen or I’m sure there’s a local group meditation society. Just a thought …

Best of luck, @Zebras ! We’re all here for you without judgment.

Tis a cruel world we live in Ruth… Gutted for you losing your job, I believe this was a dream job as well? But remember their loss, is someone else’s gain, apples will grow again… I know at present, it is a kick in the teeth, but you are worth more than them, and given the opportunity. you will prove those detractors wrong! It is absolutely gospel that folks with a significant hearing loss tend to be not very good at sticking up for themselves/self-advocacy, we don’t have that confidence, it has been eroded with life’s knocks, folks cruel jibes, and ultimately the stigmatism attached to hearing loss… But Ruth, in my experience, that confidence can be had, regained or won for the first time, my salvation was BSL (British Sign Language) now I was dyslexic, severe/profound loss, numbers where also very problematic, but BSL was life changing for me, from the beginners course, to intermediate, then Level 1, then onto Level 2, standing up in BSL class and making a complete fool of yourself doesn’t seem like much fun, but it was, and eventually the confidence comes, it turned my life full circle… Got a job with Deaf Services, because I could sign, moved on to “Care at Home”, within 6 months I was Team Leader, with 48 carers, around 340 clients, liaising with all the care professionals, doing all the rota’s, I also did the payroll every fortnight, yeah I was probably averaging 80 hours per week, but I loved that extreme challenge, in between times I was a Union Rep/Shop Steward, I was on first name terms with all the directors of social work… My point is, you cannot do a job well, without the inherent belief/confidence in your own abilities, and yes my hearing was a problem, but hearing problems, much like speech problems, are not insurmountable, they are there to be solved or you find a workaround! You are a clever cookie Ruth, I would maybe consider learning BSL, you might find it fun, and you make some good friends with some likeminded souls…Good Luck, cheers Kev

@mdboy said:

have you thought about working as a technical writer?

I haven’t heard of this type of job? I’ll research to see what is involved.

@mdboy said:

consider mindfulness and meditation.

I already do this as well as yoga. Helps massively.

@mdboy said:

A good book, if you have any interest, is “Buddhism Made Simple” by Steve Hagen or I’m sure there’s a local group meditation society. Just a thought …

I actually got in to Buddhism with a friend but she passed away as she was a lot a lot older than me but we got on really well.

We used to go away to Buddhism weekends away but I haven’t since she passed away.

@mdboy said:

We’re all here for you without judgment.

Thank you!

Zebras I highly doubt anyone here would judge you! From the many posts I’ve read through over the years you are a wonderful writer, very precise and clear.

I had what was called speech therapy back in the late 1980s to middle 1990s but that only happened a few years after my diagnosis. I truly cannot remember all the details but I’m adamant both my ENT and Audiologist referred me at my parents urging not my GP.
Have your approached your Audiologist or ENT about this issue? While a GP may feel your speech is okay by their check point standards parhaps your Audiologist or ENT consultant may have more leeway in gaining a referral if they wrote to your GP on your behalf stating this is an issue that ultimately led to a job loss.

In my case speach therapy was more to help modulate my
speech volume leval as well as correct some issues pronouncing words due to my hearing loss. Truthfully despite extensive therapy to this day I’m still quiet spoken, various friends always comment how quiet I am and family have said that hasn’t changed even at almost 40! I have to constantly remind myself to speak louder as what’s loud to me is often quiet to others. The occlusion from moulds always makes this an ongoing issue

Communication skills I rarely have an issue BUT if I speak without my hearing aids in I tend to develop a distinct nasally sound and I do notice it is worse when I’m tired, sick or having one of those overstimulated by noise days.

The main result of the therapy was to give me confidence speaking and articulating my thoughts with others, I was always accused of not being a talkative person as a child or a introvert often in my late teenage years. I’m better now but I am known as the listener of my friend circle I listen more than I speak, but in the right situation I’m an absalute chatterbox Funnily enough for being the quiet person I excelled in my Speaking and Listening part of my English exam which has over the years resulted in a lot of confused looks when they see my grade as usually deafness impacts that area the most…I credit that to my parents and speech therapy.

The main comment which often irks me to this day is when I tell someone I’m deaf/hearing impaired it’s often, well I couldn’t tell you speak as if you have no hearing loss. I choose not to comment further but many fail to realise it was years of practice both with the therapist as well as my parents to get to that place where it wasn’t noticable. .it can help but at the cost of time and in some cases money, while it helped me gain confidence I still consciously have to think about volume and speech speed. I find my American friends/family are very shout talky, loud and then there’s me quiet soft spoken but it has it’s benefits everyone will stop to listen versus continuous talking. I think it also gave me more patience towards those with speech issues themselves where most would be frustrated, rush to finish words for them I delibrately wait for them to finish.

Do I still fluff up, most certainly and since moving to the states I have an ongoing war with how to pronounce/speak or communicate without flip flopping between the way Americans or English say things, it got that bad a few years ago I’d end up fluffing constant words up entirely and stuttering because my brain, mouth and ears fighting on how best to say something clearly. I now refuse to say UK aluminium anymore US Aluminum as for the life of me it comes out as a complete mess now. This stems from my American husband telling me I’m saying it wrong because he didn’t realize we spell and say it differently in the UK until he heard another British person on a linguistic difference video spell and say it both ways.

So it isn’t always a you’ve said something badly issue in my case it’s because I was judged for not speaking the way someone thinks is acceptable or in what is deemed the right way. I as almost 40 year old stand my ground and say do you want me to write that down? If you have an issue with my accent, words or how I speak then that’s a you problem not a me problem. I did speech therapy for 10 years and if you think you can say it better go ahead and try. Or How would you have said it then? Usually stumps the person whomever it is. I’ve used that line on several teachers in my high school years who used me as a case study trying to teach about deafness/hearing impairment and point out slight speech/communication issues. I now don’t tolerate being disrespected in that manner and advocate if they want to teach/learn about deafness or communication skill issues surrounding deaf/hoh/hearing impaired and what can be done to improve that they should seek out a speach therapist or an audiologist or ask the person’s permission beforehand

Lastly zebra I applaud you for wanting to improve an area you feel is a weakness for you. Take some deep breaths, as much as the job was one you wanted and felt achieved your ultimate goal they were NOT the right fit for you. Any employer worth their salt will go above and beyond to accommodate a employee. Unfortunately most do such a sub par job on accomdations for disabilities it’s abysmal and they have the audacity to then act like they did their absalute “best” to meet the requirements deemed by law that’s needed.

The reality of it is no they did the absalute bare minimum to meet disability requirements and most of the time it’s always blamed on well we couldn’t accomodate the employee in that situation it’s not always the full truth. I’ve been on the receiving end of this treatment twice and to be honest I’m glad because it made me truly appreciate the employers who look beyond the hearing loss or those who do their absalute best to work with you without using it’s too expensive to do xyz I’ve heard that one so many times and believed it until university and then it was eye opening to see how true disability accomdations should be utilized. My whole world opened and in a great way and that’s when I realized just how piss poor most employers utilize it for disabled employees or even clients blaming costs ultimately.

Unfortunately I haven’t lived in the UK in 10 years, so my guidance wouldn’t be much help but others have pointed out some good areas to start. I came across this while googling for alternatives

Effective Communication and Interpersonal Skills | City, University of London2

Learn the power of effective communication and interpersonal skills with our Communication online short course, taught over 10 weekly evening classes.

Parhaps approach your jobseekers office asking for a list of possible courses they can recommend for communication skills as well…they may have a guide of courses explicitly for certain things. It’s overwhelming to decide where to start I wish you luck.

I was able to speak very well because l had a speech therapist for eight years. It was rough during public school before there was any ‘special education.’ l couldn’t hear the teacher in classrooms and it was my mother that helped me with homework every night and managed to graduate from high school.
I went to NTID when it was brand new in 1974 and all of the students were deaf. I was of the few that have severe hearing loss and had to learn sign language. I had to drop out of NTID the next year because none of the teachers in classrooms talked at all. All of the teachers were using sign language. It was a totally different world for me. I was the only student that can talk on the telephone. I passed the time there by working part time in TV studio and computer dept. I had to drop classes as none of the teachers was willing to talk to me or help me after classes.

Wishing you well with this. It just goes to show how we can adapt. I was born deaf, and had speech therapy throughout all of my school years until I was sixteen. Without this, I don’t think I would be able to speak as well as I can, although it is noticeable that I am deaf, especially when I am unwell or tired.

Due to being deaf and being born three months’ premature, academically I was at least a couple of years behind my peers in terms of academic level. However, as I got older, I managed to catch up academically and I am now a qualified Veterinary Nurse and an Internal Quality Assurer training and supporting the next generation.

Just because we are deaf doesn’t mean we can’t achieve the same dreams and ambitions as everyone else, we just need some reasonable adjustments to help us get there.

I can see that you have contacted the RNID, this would definitely be a good place to start. I wish you well and if I think of anything that may be useful, I will post here again.

Personally, I used a speech therapist for many years. Most would not know I have hearing issues from just talking to me now.

@Raudrive said:

You are a long ways from handicapped.

I agree although I feel more restricted than someone who is able to communicate well but maybe has a missing leg.

The classes give you the confidence Ruth… Well they did for me, plus I learned to cope better with my own loss… And sometimes, we are cocooned into believing we are in this HOH zone on our lonesome, nothing could be further than that from the truth, as demonstrated by this forum, there are millions of like minded souls around the Uk, and the world… But, with hearing loss, especially within the severe/profound threshold, as our loss progresses, we tend to withdraw further into our own shell, and our confidence wains… But, humans are essentially gregarious, we like company, we like to interact, converse, and have a laugh, we like to learn from others… BSL classes give you all of this in spadefuls, and anyone doing these sign language courses, usually have a specific interest in Big D, or perhaps they are HOH, or going deaf themselves, and want to learn sign language to assist them in the future? Perhaps a lip reading class would be more suitable? Getting out, and about, mixing with fellow HOH is essential to our wellbeing, and indeed our mental health, we create a more confident approach, and outlook to life… We see ourselves as others see us! Cheers Kev

In the US, “Speech Therapy” is what it’s called, but it’s actually different from common Speech Therapy. Once it’s specified to whomever you’re talking to on your search WHAT it is that you’re seeking, you are then guided to the proper “Speech Therapist” (again, here in the US). I took seven months, I think, wretched memory that gets worse each passing day, and graduated with the DEEPLY ANNOYING RESULT of having to lipread “Oh, you’re deaf? You surely don’t SOUND deaf. That’s so cool.” I’ve gotten to the point that I feel it’s insulting and respond with “Oh, I don’t? Hadn’t noticed.” Or, depending on how condescending I feel they’re being, I will say “I don’t sound like I’m deaf? Well to ME, you don’t sound like ANYTHING. Nope. Absolutely nothing, is what you sound like to me.”
Sorry, off rails for a moment there. Here it’s a (roughly) seven month course of holding a hand to the throat to be certain one is not yelling (among a few other reasons) to looking in mirrors to be certain one is “ENUNCIATING” (a word that we all were told we’d learn to hate and WOW were they spot on with that). Upon graduation my Wife helps me to remember training with basic "Huh"s or "What was that, Dear?"s to make me remember to speak clearly. It’s not difficult at all, truly.
You might know that there is a large percentage of the 8 billion people living on this Planet, who don’t know how to ride a bicycle? An even larger percentage who have NO idea how to swim?
Do you know the simple reason for this? Obviously, yes you do. Reason being:
THEY DON’T WANT TO LEARN. Nothing more basic than that.
You don’t want to have “The deaf accent” any more than I do, so therefore, YOU WILL NOT.
Thanks for reading (especially the rant in the middle; I mean for the love of Pete who thinks that “You don’t SOUND deaf” is a COMPLIMENT to a deaf person, other than a complete, insensitive, self-superior idiot? Oh, right. Ranting again. Okay, stopping right here. Enjoy your day.