The Ten Commandments (For Hearing Impaired)

Heck, even my spouse will violate most of them multiple times today. Maybe it would work better if we asked not to do anything on the list?

OMG. My dear hubs has broken ALL 10 commandments listed here … now I better keep my radar up for the OTHER 10 Commandments.

But seriously! Living with a hearing-impaired person for DECADES would seem to render this list of very easy, do-able commandments a no-brainer. But we are always going to be up against those with “normal” hearing who have no CLUE about the necessity of these 10 simple rules.

All that said, now that I’m wearing Phonak Lumity Life aids, I’m my own worst enemy. I am now able to (mostly!) carry on conversations or answer questions while my back is turned to the speaker, I’m in a different room - hey, even on a different floor of the house, LOL! It’s a small curse that has turned into a huge BLESSING.

But I totally agree with these 10 Commandments posted. My mother-in-law - herself a wearer of aids ALWAYS muttered behind her hand. And my own mom - a HA wearer for longer than me ALWAYS asks me questions from across the room when we have our backs facing each other. EH? What’s up with that?

If I recall correctly, prior to SSNHL… I was most probably just as ignorant as most, with regards to hearing loss? Although, for some reason, I was always fascinated by the “Profoundly Deaf”, I had a close friend, whom was Pre-lingually Deaf, (we played in the same pool team) Danny had no speech, or very little speech, he could say the odd word, usually it was an expletive Back then (47 years ago in the Scottish Highlands) my sign language was almost non-existent or at best, extremely basic, but Danny was a wonderful lip-reader, he had to be as none of his extremely large family signed… He was extremely bright, and very friendly, but hard as nails, it didn’t pay any dividends if you crossed him, fortunately I never did! Anyway, I recall being in a Pub/Bar one night around that time, I was on my own, just shooting some pool with the regulars, a young guy came in, I knew his father, but I didn’t know him, it quickly became apparent he was also Big D, Profoundly Deaf with no speech, so we struck up a rudimentary conversation, my very basic signing, and a pen and paper, I spent the next couple of hours in one of the most frustrating conversations I have ever had, if it was frustrating for me, it was probably far worse for him… But, it left a lasting impression, and a vow to myself, to one day learn sign language! Many, many years later, I was in my local Pub, I went home south to Airdrie (Where I was born) for the weekend, its approximately 220 miles from the Highlands, a convo struck up with the barman, and somehow the conversation got round to Profoundly Deaf, and Sign Language, the barman says, there is 2 deaf folk playing pool round the corner on one of the tables, so I walked round to say or sign Hello…FFS, it was Danny, and his girlfriend, I hadn’t seen him for probably 30 years!!! The Sign Language went into overdrive, being able to communicate freely was such a wonderful experience… Now Danny is a Highlander, and I guess fate crossed our paths that day, the odds of meeting are probably astronomical? But, a day that I am unlikely to forget…Cheers Kev

@kevels55 said:

I guess fate crossed our paths that day, the odds of meeting are probably astronomical?

If that ain’t Karma, what is? That’s a storybook tale with a great finish … and no end in sight if you keep in contact with Danny!

I also like the tag “Big D”! Yeah, That sounds like we have POWER. And with power, we can make things happen.

Thank you @1Bluejay Yeah, I see Danny occasionally, he lives in Edinburgh, but he sometimes pops home to his family in Dingwall… That day was one of the highlights of my life, still tickles me, when I think about it Although, my pal Willie beats my story with interest, he was a merchant seaman, and sailed into Singapore, headed ashore, and randomly picked a Bar for a drink, a short while later someone pissed, roughly bumped into him at the Bar, and he said, “Hey watch where you are going”! The guy turned around, going to give him a mouthful… It was his twin brother!!! He was off a different ship… Tis indeed a small world! Cheers Kev

My wife does many of these, sometimes too often–sometimes unaware even though I keep reminding her about it. It was a lifetime habit, need to change it now that I am having trouble understanding. Thank you for sharing–I will send it to her.

Yep, @romeroo, people easily forget, when it doesn’t effect their needs… I recall many years ago, on or around 2007, I was working as a “Deaf Awareness Tutor”, my job remit from a governmental department initiative, was to go round different places of work, offices & factories, and teach communication tactics so they could effectively communicate with their HOH colleagues, during these “Power Point” sessions, after which we had a question & answers session, it amazed me how many folks whom had friends & family who where HOH, or in some cases profoundly deaf, but they had no idea how to effectively communicate with them!!! I reiterate, “People easily forget, when it doesn’t affect their needs”… Cheers Kev

I am with you, Dave. I think the world is much more amazing and mysterious than we can know. I would regret it if my arrogance or small-mindedness cut me off from the wonder and the possibility of forms of connection we can hardly imagine.

Just some thoughts on the “ten commandments.” Ran them by my wife. She agreed that they’re essential for communication to happen, but don’t acknowledge that a lot of “communication” is of the “I’m alive, you’re alive.” variety. (That’s a quote from a Terry Pratchett novel) Sometimes we just feel like talking and don’t feel like going to great efforts to make sure we’re understood because we just feel like talking. (I think this is also evidenced by a lot of the rambling that happens on the forum) To follow the “ten commandments” when we just feel like jibbering is annoying. Unfortunately not doing it is annoying to the hearing impaired. I am often overly brief, but I’d modify the “10 commandments” to “IF you want to be understood, get my attention first and speak to me face to face.”
(If it’s important, leaving a note for me isn’t a bad idea either.)

Agreed @MDB, some folks speak, for the sake of speaking, they don’t really have anything important to say, but silence somehow disturbs them… Myself, I don’t really appreciate small talk, although it has its occasional uses, as a prelude to what’s actually on someone’s mind, and the speaker is marking time, in order to find the correct words… Strangely enough, over the last 6 months or so, my wife (Elspeth) voice has altered quite significantly, and I now struggle badly, even in the quiet…I don’t think it’s my hearing going down, as I am hearing everyone else just fine, Elspeth is quite vocal, and you might even term her as loud, when we worked in the same social work team, I could hear her plainly in the next room, usually with the door closed Perhaps because she has now retired, and doesn’t talk as much, her voice has weakened? Anyway, it causes some friction, that I am not listening, the truth is half the time, I’m guessing, lip reading or usually both… Cheers Kev

I think there should be one commandment: thou shall not make assumptions about the hearing impaired!

I have a moderately severe loss in the high frequencies only with great improvements with my hearing aids. I simply don’t need all these accommodations listed in the “commandments” and find them quite patronizing if someone assumes I need them. Am I the only one in this boat?

It is far more respectful to assume the hearing aids do what is needed until it’s obvious that they don’t.

Unfortunately @user184 everyone is not the same, your audiogram is almost unique to you alone, I usually compare it in simple terms, it’s almost fingerprint like, and if you throw in various other hearing problems, like Tinnitus, Meniers Disease or perhaps a rare disorder like OPD, then no 2 hearing losses are the same… they may be similar, but not exactly the same… If you are ever unfortunate enough to have a severe/profound loss across the board, then your opinion may alter/change? Everything is always relative to our experience, I am glad you are doing well with your aids, some of us are less fortunate… But, such is life. Cheers Kev