Sadness - committing to wearing hearing aids and saying goodbye to my natural hearing

I was so overjoyed at being able to hear again without constantly asking “What’s that” or “Beg pardon” that I was just grateful. I didn’t figure sitting on the pity pot for any reason would do me any good! But if I was truly bothered by not being able to hear at night, I’d get a second pair for $1600 at Costco and wear them at night.

Thank you for your reply Chuck… It hits home with regards to your uncle, it’s very sad! Mostly all the folks I know, whom committed suicide where outwardly happy, but it was all a facade, unfortunately we cannot read their intimate thoughts, most folks see mental health as an extreme weakness, so they hide it well…I had a couple of clients whom I looked after whom had Macular Degeneration, and they also had Profound hearing loss, not a nice thought, hopefully you will not have too experience that Chuck, God willing… Take care, cheers Kev

I was depressed and sad when the ENT told me I’d be deaf by the time I hit fifty, there was and never would be a treatment, and not to trust anybody trying to sell me a hearing aid. Didn’t seem like the future held much promise. I wasn’t 30. But, sudden hearing loss would be a different thing I guess. You can still clearly remember what good hearing was like. The grief would be very real.

I was 36 when it became apparent that I was high tone deaf. The clue was a colleague who could hear radio calls on his hearset that I, even with higher volumes, could not. I didn’t do anything about it.

My hearing was assessed and my medical grading was dropped. 19 years later, when I retired I got hearing aids. The doctor who confirmed the need proscribed one aid as a trial. I convinced the Audiologist to fit both ears and have used them ever since.

They go in when I get up and out when I go to bed 16 hours later.

The ‘loss’ of an aid is devastating and the possibility is a constant worry. I constantly touch the aids just to make sure they are properly seated.

Yeah Steve, things have moved on, hopefully for the better… I recall, my grandfather using his analogue hearing aid, it was chest mounted on a lanyard, an enormous thing, or so it seemed to a young child 60 years ago, I wore analogue myself for a decade or more, and the transition to digital was not earth shattering, its probably only the last 6 or 7 years that hearing aids have quickened there technological pace, the advent of Bluetooth was a game changer… Funny enough, last night me and my wife Elspeth had a long discussion about, the “Bad old days” of hearing loss! Now Elspeth, was a Social Worker for the Deaf, of some 35 years standing (Now retired, due to ill heath) we where basically talking about, how deaf kids & adults where treated back then, and believe me, it wasn’t inclusive! Perhaps this is why there is still a stigma attached to hearing loss, treated like an idiot in class or within the workforce, the butt end of everyones jokes, basically treated like a “Persona non grata” of little or no intelligence, just because of your hearing loss… Thankfully, we evolved into a more inclusive society

It was similar for me, with eyesight at school, in the late 1960’s. I needed glasses about 2 years before I finally admitted I needed them.

Thankfully, neither seem to have the same stigma of that era.

OP here - I have enjoyed and found comfort and commonality in these responses, and see myself turning a corner with all of this. Thanks all for the conversation.

@user172 said:

I’ve given over control of my hearing now to these devices

Interesting perspective. You wouldn’t say that you’ve taken control of your hearing with the hearing aids? You had no control over the loss, it just is.

It’s been really valuable for me to read all of these posts. This is nice, to see everyone sharing these things. Thank you.

The KS 10 aids have the ability to program them for restaraunts. Don’t know if you have those.

Y’know, I don’t consider my hearing loss a disability, exactly. It’s just part of who I am. Although it’s taken things away, it’s also given me new information and tools that let me act stronger, and better in the world.

I know so much more about how my brain works, and what communication really is, which is so much more than the words people say. I’ve learned to observe gestures, facial expressions, and body language more closely than I did when I was hearing better. In fact, in certain ways I understand what people are communicating more than I used to, when their words were the main thing I was paying attention to. Words can be distracting, sometimes.

I also have learned to tune in better to how I’m feeling in certain situations, especially when a lot is going on. Sometimes when I’m really finding it hard to hear, I have to check my own mental state, because I know I hear less well when I’m tired, or sad, or angry. These clues were far less accessible to me in my hearing past.

So it’s not like, yippee I’m hearing-impaired, or anything. It’s just I’ve grown my ability to understand and perform in the world through different means, compared to when I heard better. I don’t feel “less than” I was before, not at all. I’m fine the way I am. Just different.

The shock of your sudden loss of hearing must be quite significant, and I hope you can be gentle with yourself as you navigate this new life. I also hope you sort out how best to be who you are while having hearing loss. It doesn’t have to shut you down. Don’t let it.

Actually, I was kind of relieved when I got my first hearing aids in 2014. I KNEW that something wasn’t quite right with how I was hearing things and when we (my husband and I) found out that my hearing had been damaged by medications I had been on during a hospitalization earlier that year. While there are pros and cons to wearing HAs, for me it’s been mostly pros. I take advantage of the ability to stream music when I exercise and walk, and to stream phone calls directly to my ears. The HAs were a definite benefit during the years of covid with everyone being masked. So not sad. In fact, I have an audiology appointment at the end of the month and am looking forward to getting new aids and new technology. So cheer up. Life gets good when you can hear it again.

@neroth8 said:

I hear less well when I’m tired, or sad, or angry

TOTALLY agree with that one! I’ll add another one: when I’m doing things on the computer like banking, my journal or on the phone texting. Those things will slam a door on my EARS and I won’t HEAR till I’m done concentrating.

Hi, @kevels55, thanks for responding.

I’m trying to think if I’ve had any "embarrassing moments” such as you describe above, where I’ve been led astray by missing something someone has said. Honestly, I can’t think of any. Communication has become, like, a life-or-death pursuit for me now, in my hearing-loss days. I saw how my father’s cognition declined as he refused for decades to admit his hearing was failing. So once I knew I was walking down that path, I intensely prioritized listening and engaging way more than I ever used to when I heard better.

So if someone is talking to me, I engage with a lot of focus, and as they speak I’m watching them, noting their facial expression and gestures, and I’m visibly responding as they speak, so they know I’m taking it in. I do hear changes in vocal tones, but words sometimes escape me, so I’m quite assertive about asking for a repeat. I don’t let anything get past me if it interferes with my comprehension. I can’t think of any instance where someone has denied me help. People want to be understood. By asking them to repeat I’m showing that I’m interested. Understanding and interest are desirable outcomes in communication.

Also, if I am attending a lecture or class, I’ll always try to notify the speaker in advance that I’m hearing-impaired, and I take a seat near the front. If during the class I’ve missed something, I quietly signal to them to repeat, and they always do! People do want to help.

So is my life better or worse with hearing loss? Dunno, truly. I’ve tried to compensate by developing new listening skills, perhaps better listening skills, and I’ve certainly become more aware when I’ve missed something, and I work harder to recover it. I can’t say I’m sorry about that. I’ve become way more intentional in communication than I was when I was fully hearing.

One other thing that hearing loss gives me that hearing folks never have: utter, pure, luscious silence, at my command. I don’t have to hear the air conditioning system kick on, or the neighbor’s loud radio playing, or the baby crying on the plane. When I come home tired from a stimulating social event, I can unplug my ears and enjoy more complete cognitive rest than I ever had as a hearing person. That’s not nothing, you know.

Yikes, @1Bluejay! You’re saying that when you are actively concentrating you can shut down your hearing, even while wearing your HAs? That’s remarkable. When I’m doing creative or conceptual work, I’ll sometimes leave my hearing aids out to achieve better concentration. But I can’t consciously stop hearing. Now that is impressive!