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Feeling embarrassed by hearing loss has destroyed my ability to communicate in public

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During an interaction the vast majority of my brain-power is allocated to “bracing” for the blow of being embarrassed because of my hearing. By hyper-focusing on my fear I can’t communicate properly. Not to mention if I actually can’t hear what someone says. That’s part of it too. I start out greeting someone with eye contact but then it devolves into me staring at the ground and the mantra “I’m so sorry” fills my mind. Its like I’m apologetic that my disability is causing an issue.

I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for by posting this here. I’m just grasping at straws.

15 people in this conversation7 min readJump to latest

I have had hearing loss for many decades and have been wearing aids for 2 decades, I see nothing to be embarrassed about, my hearing loss is just a fact of my life just like my eyesight and having glasses for which have been wearing since I was somewhat between 8 and 10 years old. I am up front about my hearing loss and I don’t hide my aides because my hearing loss is so obvious.
Again I see nothing to be embarrassed about,

In addition to the above, I also recommend seeing a psychologist. Not necessary for everyone but you really need to get over it.

Edited

I’m sorry it’s so hard on you. I hope you can work through this.

My loss moderate, so I can hear, and much better when I have my on.

I have bright orange covers on my , kinda looks like a caterpillar. Obviously, I don’t hide my impairment in any way. Once people realize I need a little extra help, everything goes along better.

In reply to #4

There is no reason to feel embarrassed about it.

I fail to see how this is helpful.

My experience is most people will meet you halfway if you give them a chance.

My experience has been that I am treated as a nuisance.

Have you considered self programming your own aids?
It’s surprisingly cheap to do if you put in the effort learning. Many here self program with excellent results.
Buying used aids can save you thousands of dollars.
Sharing your will also help us help you.

Edited

Thank you for posting - your feelings I’m sure are shared by others, who haven’t or rarely post. When I first realized I needed - I’ll be honest. I felt embarrassed. I felt embarrassed to have to ask people to repeat themselves or I spent extra energy to be really sure I getting the message. I felt embarrassed not to be able to hear well. Not everyone understands the situation and feeling embarrassed or fearful is understandable.

In my case, I decided I had a decision to make about how I was going to handle this and facing this with fear and embarrassment wasn’t so helpful for me, and so I turned a page and decided to fully embrace the whole thing. For me having a little fun is often the answer, I made my own aluminum foil hearing devices - oddly enough they sorta helped - a bit. But, what making them did for me was help to play with the whole situation and invite others in to laugh and play along - and laugh we did.

You mention “hyper-focusing” on fear, perhaps you might find other ways to think about this, or find help. You might read “Hear & Beyond - Live Skillfully with Hearing Loss” by Shari Eberts and Gael Hannah - this is a great resource.

You’ve got this, you had the courage to post your question to us! I hope you’ll share some of your journey with us.

Anonymous, I can relate completely! If the situation is such that I cannot effectively participate, some kind of social event with more than a few people, then I look for a bush to hide behind. I am fine just standing there, but hate it when people come over to me so I “won’t feel left out.” I then have to struggle to interact, “Huh?” “What?” “Say that again.”
If I have to be there, then just leave me alone.
Big John

In reply to @4mulch

Wonderful recommendation!

Hear & Beyond is a wonderful book. It changed my life.

I’m saying so to reinforce the best help I’ve had dealing with my own hearing loss. I learned about the book here; my printed copy is well worn. My e-copy helps me find help in a hurry. The book is magnificent. I no longer react as a victim; I communicate better.

(As an aside–I worked for 35 years as a ski instructor. I also taught people that were disabled to learn how to ski. Amputees, and others. Hearing disabled; I never helped the quadriplegics in the program. I learned more from every person I worked with than I taught them. Later I had to learn to walk again and reached out to the founder of the program for help)

We all have different hearing loss characteristics. Many of the people posting here have helped me a lot. And I’ve needed a lot of help!

“My experience has been that I am treated as a nuisance”. Me too. Reading the book gave me new tools to establish boundaries and rules. In the past ignoring those instances made them worse. Perhaps it’s a form of bullying.

This is a magnificent forum. I respect the people that help here so much.

you’re right. I also experienced something similar. hearing aids only help 20-30% of hearing. but not effective for communication.

many people do not understand the condition of deafness. even my doctor is not a professional person. he kept screaming when he spoke to me. to which I myself could not hear anything even if he shouted. if the doctor does not understand the condition, then how can the general public be more understanding of the ENT doctor

In reply to @anonymouslycognizant

@anonymouslycognizant said:

Yes, I saw an audiologist regularly when I was young. I no longer do since I can’t afford it.

So, if you USED to see an audi, but can no longer afford to do so, are you wearing hearing aids now? You don’t have an posted, but if your hearing has diminished even MORE over the years you’ll need to address it. As others have posted, look into lower-cost options (Costco being probably the best out there).

See if there are low-cost medical services in your area. Are you a veteran? Try to find a place that offers a discounted price but a GOOD hearing instrument.

Maybe there is a hearing clinic near you that can help with payments. I know that Medicare offers some coverage but not really enough to make a huge impact.

A few decades ago, hearing aids were NOT the best for improving speech recognition. They’d merely amplify SOUND. Technology has come a long way, and even lower-cost aids offer performance comparable to name brands like Phonak & Oticon.

Main thing is to accept that you need HELP in resolving the hearing issue or you’ll continue to focus on that, missing what’s being said. I did the SAME thing (my mom, too). We get so stressed trying to HEAR that it’s like my brain just shuts down and all I hear is a MUSH of noise.

Good luck in your endeavor. Keep us posted. Cut yourself some slack but get out there and try and find a resolution.

The good news here is that only idiots will try to embarrass or humiliate you for not hearing them easily. The bad news is, there are quite a few of those out there. But, like dealing with that puzzling look of your dog when you undress when he is around, this is something you grow a thick skin for over time- part of life.

In reply to @1Bluejay

I have hearing aids, I have cookie bite hearing loss, I don’t have an to share.

I guess I’m realizing this is a psychological issue not a hearing loss issue. My psychologist told me to find some support online for hearing loss and so I ended up here.

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