Bitch, Moan, Threaten: How do I get my spouse to accept my loss of hearing acuity as a disability instead of a character fault?

@BarryH you’re correct, I’m getting old and forgetful.

Well, I am the “deaf” one in our house and I can tell you this: if I can’t hear and/or understand, I’m just not paying attention. If my husband doesn’t hear and/or understand ME, it’s because I’m mumbling!! Either way, it’s my fault .
I’ve worn hearing aids for over 35 years and my husband has the TV ( in the living room) on louder than is comfortable for me, then he starts talking while facing the tv. Meanwhile, I am behind him in the kitchen facing the opposite direction and he expects me to respond to him……. So, Yes, women have the same issues and it’s so frustrating!

I have same problems with my parents. They know I am deaf, but they often speak to side or to my back. I repeat them about my hearing again and again, but it not helps. So I stopped any communication with them

Besides that there are obviously some relationships that could benefit from a bit more love and understanding I would suggest you completely ignore people who are aware of your impairment but don’t act accordingly. So even if you realize someone is trying to talk to you don’t react until they put in the effort to walk up to you and look you in the face. If they act angry just remain friendly and say “sorry I didn’t hear you”. Keep this up and I am sure they will learn in time.

What helps me, or more accurately, helped those I’m talking with, was to bring them into my world. I stopped the habit of behaving as if I 'd heard them correctly, and the incessant “What?!”, and instead made a point of repeating back to them what it was I’d comprehended from what I’d heard/misheard. It’s usually funny, and it helps them understand what you’re going through.

@ladyditexas said:

I’ve worn hearing aids for over 35 years and my husband has the TV ( in the living room) on louder than is comfortable for me, then he starts talking while facing the tv.

He’s the one in denial. Very frustrating

Thanks for posting the simulator, now my very understanding wife knows more about what I hear.

I like your suggestion! It’s helpful.

I’ve been harassed at work since I bought hearing aids over 20 years ago.

Bluffing isn’t good. But I really don’t know I’ve misinterpreted what was said

@DaveL said:

I’ve been harassed at work since I bought hearing aids over 20 years ago.

Oh…the horrors of being HOH in the workplace, especially if it’s a high pressure, toxic corporate job !!! Some days, I just want to quit (resign) and go live under a rock.

Sorry to hear all this. Was fortunate enough to work in an international, scientific environment. Lots of weirdos, language barriers that push hearing problems to the (far) background but, most of all, a magnificent tolerance for anyone looking out of the ordinary. Looking or behaving a bit odd was (is) often a sign of unexpected talents and is in such places pushed to the other extreme. Show up in such hotspots of creativity and brilliance with a tie and people think you are an idiot.

@jlgreer1 said:

Same problem and my wife is a Special Ed / Lifeskills teacher. She gets frustrated with me when I have trouble understanding her. When she makes her voice louder, she sounds angry rather than projecting.

Very frustrating!

Unfortunately, while this is also my case, in most instances, it IS angry…

There’s a bit of a feedback loop here. If one repeatedly has to raise one’s voice (from my experience) one tends to both sound and feel angry. It’s not a thought out kind of thing.

I have gotten to the point when my wife tells me I am not listen that I point out that she never got my attention. She knows but conveniently forgets that she needs to get my attention before talking. She still doesn’t like it but I am more and more pointing that fact out.

Even pointing out that she never got my attention, I get the same result.

Last year about this time while visiting my daughter and her family something worse happened.

We were sitting in the family room and she invited everyone to the Christmas tree for photographs. I didn’t respond immediately and told me to “go to my room” since I was ignoring her.

I was actually upset, since I don’t believe she has any standing to send me to my “room”. I responded that I can go back to my room in Texas…